I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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