There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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