I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
