There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
