Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
