the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
