he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
