so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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