It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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