you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
