Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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