i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
