I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
