She is in my trunk
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
