The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
