hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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