she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize