i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
