im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
