I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
