Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
