I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
