Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
