I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
