Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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