the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
