Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize