He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
