; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
