brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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