connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
