Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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