y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
