I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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