insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
