I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's shark week go big or go home
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
