hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
