i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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