there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
4 words: hood of his car
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize