Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
