I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
