I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
