One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
