i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just had sex on a roof
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize