I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
