I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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