i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize