a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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