Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
