You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
