did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
