He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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