I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
