Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
whose parrot is this?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
