ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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