I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize