Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you win again, gameday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Vodka?
Forever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
