i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
