All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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