Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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