I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
