WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
