this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
that is very illegal...i love you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
