Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
