The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
