"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
