also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
