i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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