saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
