Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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