This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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