Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
